A Tribute to the Douchebag that is Donavon Frankenreiter

More proof Hansel = Donny Douche

2009-01-02T14:26:00.001-08:00

Click to enlarge

Proof in the pudding!!!

Those tricky bastards in Hollywood had us thinking that Hansel was a made-up character, when the whole time it was actually a depiction of Donavon's try-hard cornhole eating styles!

FUCK YOU HOLLYWOOD!!! DONAVON DESERVES CREDIT FOR YOUR PORTRAYAL OF HIS LIFE AS HANSEL!

Hansel = Donavon Frankenreiter

2009-01-02T12:57:00.000-08:00

Ok Donny, we think we might actually be beginning to understand you a little more. You saw Zoolander when it came out and you decided that you wanted to be the modern day real life Hansel.

I hate to tell you though Donny, Zoolander was not a serious movie......it was a comedy. HANSEL IS A JOKE! He's not real. Owen Wilson played the role but he was joking.

Actually, we could have it all wrong....... For all we know the writers were familiar with you and decided to base Hansel's character on YOU buddy. That actually makes so much more sense........the hippy clothes, the pot smoking, the skateboarding and surfing with guitars in your hands, the photo shoots, the hats, the long hair.......that 70's sheik look..............NOW WE GET IT!!!!!

HEY.........It's innnnnnn the computer buddy.......innnnnnnn the computer!!!!!!!

BONIFIED DOUCHEBAG!

2009-01-01T20:38:00.000-08:00

Are you fucking kidding us???
Are you trying to show us how many surfboards you have???
Or did you stuble upon a surfboard cemetery???
This is your backyard???
....Or is this your idea of the cutest most original photo shoot ever???

Yeah we figured it was the latter.

Did the idea go something like "Hey guys, lets find as many fucken shitty beat-up retro surfboards as possible and pile them on the ground and take a picture of me posing like I have down syndrome holding a retro skateboard with two hands!"

WHAT A GREAT FUCKEN IDEA DONNY!!!

YOU DID IT!!! What a great photo! And you came out looking just like you wanted - like a fucken homosexual mental patient lost amongst a collection of some of the shittiest surfboards in existence!

Kudos on your choice of t-shirt for this shoot.......V-neck down to your ballsack - NICE!

Honorary Douchebag Mention

2009-01-01T19:27:00.000-08:00

Dear Rob,

IS ANYONE HOME???

CUCKOO
Main Entry:¹cuck·oo
Pronunciation:\ˈkü-(ˌ)kü, ˈku̇-\
Function:noun
Date: 13th century

1: mentally insane, deranged, dumb stupid,
2: deficient in sense or intelligence
3: a silly or slightly crackbrained person

Pan Handler Recognized as Donny Outside Local San Clemente Quicky Mart

2008-09-10T20:28:00.000-07:00

I couldn't believe my eyes!
After wooping Kieren Perrow's ass in round 4 today at the Boost Mobile Pro, I decided to treat myself to a frosty cold beverage. So I walked on over to the local San Clemente Quicky Mart and got the usual 2 Old English 40's that I'm so used to wetting my palate with. On my way out, I reached over to give my spare change to the homeless guy playing the usual fucken crap acoustic music, and to my surprise it was fucken Donny!

I felt bad for that sorry old fucker! But hey, I guess that what happens when you decide to go SOUL!!!

Who Let The Homeless Guy On Stage???

2008-09-05T16:10:00.000-07:00

SECURITY!!!!!!!!!!!
SECURITY!!!!!!!!!!!
SOMEBODY GET THAT FUCKEN BUM OFF THE STAGE AND KICK THAT FUCKER BACK OUT ON THE STREETS!!!!!!

More Great Reviews off Lost Highway's Donavon Page

2008-08-30T12:54:00.000-07:00

More great reviews found on Lost Highway user submitted comments page that we felt must be shared with all. To see the original click here, even though it will probably have mysteriously disappeared.

clipped from www.losthighwayrecords.com

sexytime

Evolution of Gay

It just gets gayer and gayer
Let's say a prayer
So that Donavon stops trying to sound like John Mayer
Cuz if he records another album I swear
I'll beat the fucken drugs out of his hair!

8/30/2008 12:40 PM (GMT-08:00)

Rejanester

Evolution of Donavon.

Pass it Around introduces us to Donavon’s newfound identity. Donavon put his heart and soul in creating and co-writing this album, in the quest of finding his musical identity; which in result, is an album filled with soulful melodies, uplifting grooves while infusing his signature sounds of acoustic and electric elements of funky & fresh beats and plenty of Donavon’s soft, raspy & mellow sexy voice that never disappoints. Donavon’s newfound musical confidence in Pass it Around, places him in a class of his own. Pass It Around truly is “a testament to Frankenreiter’s continuing evolution as an artist.”8/26/2008 8:19 AM (GMT-08:00)

2008-08-27T00:26:00.001-07:00

Great Reviews Found on Lost Highway Record

2008-08-26T23:07:00.001-07:00

A very interesting exchange of RAVE reviews for Donavon's blockbuster smash hit "Life, Love & Laughter" found on Lost Highway Records webpage dedicated to Donny's earache of an album. Click here to see for yourself.

We have it saved for you here just in case the cock promoters remove these fabulous reviews from the site!

clipped from www.losthighwayrecords.com

chochi

I Love Donny too K38kid!

Dear K38kid,

I love your posts about Donny. I think he's so hot also, and I also have a house in at k38 - just like the average SoCal family. I was thinking maybe we can meet up out in the line-up this weekend at K38 since I'll be down there, and sing Donavon songs together in between sets. Then maybe we can kick back in the evening and throw in some Drive-Thru while we drink spritzers!!! We can laugh our asses off, and who knows where it will go from there.

Hope to see you out in the line up k38kid. I'll be out there surfing with my guitar, so I should be easy to find. By the way, I don't know Donny surfs so well with his guitar out there.HOT!

TooLoo

Chochi
9/5/2008 9:07 AM (GMT-08:00)

clipped from www.losthighwayrecords.com

K38Kid

So Creative

Jimmyhat,

Your ironic, tongue in cheek gay humor is sad and pathetic. Get a life! I'm guessing you're a closet gay/wannabe prosurfer/musician that has to take out your frustration in life on a dude that's found his own creative , successful niche. Go back to digging ditches and surfing El Segundo beach breaks......LOSER!

K38Kid
8/25/2008 6:21 PM (GMT-08:00)

clipped from www.losthighwayrecords.com

Jimmyhat

I love you Donny!

Heya Donny Boy!!

I just wanted to stop by and tell you how absolutely, ridiculously hot you are and how much I just looooove your groovy music. When I listen to your track "Pass It Around" I imagine you prancing around a room of guys, then upon seeing me - you stop and sing personally to me while looking deeply into my starry blue eyes.

By the way, I totally love your style - that moustache / 70's / homeless look is SO hot right now. That you're a surfer too??? Hello!?!? I'm just in love with soulful surfer/musicians - how hot is that???

That picture on Surfline with you holding your ACOUSTIC GUITAR on a wave - that was the greatest thing ever!! Shortly afterwards, I had to clean my keyboard (if you know what I mean).

Note to K38Kid, since you are SOOOO in love with Donavon as well - maybe we could meet up sometime in LA and cross swords?

Regards,

Andypants
8/25/2008 4:08 PM (GMT-08:00)

clipped from www.losthighwayrecords.com

K38Kid

We Love You Dude!

Donny...dude you bring so much joy into my family's life's. We're just your average so cal family... most of us surf...own a beach house in Baja. Even though you'll never know us we feel like you're one of our family. We hope the Drive Thru series never ends because we'll crash at home or at the beach house after a heavy week of BS. We surf and then at night pop in a DVD of Donny and the gang and laugh at you and Benji (the lovable perve)

Your music is awesome because it's yours. Don't listen to morons like "Wicked" who clearly is pissed at the world. Keep the upbeat tunes and we'll keep singing along.

Rock On Dude!!!
8/23/2008 12:12 AM (GMT-08:00)

clipped from www.losthighwayrecords.com

wicked

It's SO SO Sad That It's This BAD!!!!

Donnie how do you do it???

It's very bad! Very Very VERY BAD!!!

It's even worse than the last two painfully shitty albums!!!

Who the fuck listens to this shit???

There are no words to describe how gay your music is Donavon!

Please STOP!!!!!

STOP trying!!!!

STOP trying to write music, stop trying to play music! Stop trying to be funny! Stop wearing gay hippy clothes! Stop with your fucken wannabe SOUL!!!!!!!

8/22/2008 11:13 AM (GMT-08:00)

EXCLUSIVE!!! REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-MIX!!!!!!!!!

2008-08-26T22:38:00.000-07:00

EXCLUSIVE LIVE VIDEO FOOTAGE OF THE NEW BORN MORMON DRUG-FREE EXORCIST REMIX OF DONAVON'S SMASH HIT "LIFE, LOVE & LAUGHTER" FROM HIS NEW FUCKING CRAP ALBUM "PASS IT AROUND"

This is what happens when drugs are removed, and a clean shave, a shower, deodorant and clean clothes are applied to Douchebag's music!

BIG IT UP!!! GET DOWN!!!

Jim Morrison or Donny Douche?

2008-08-25T10:32:00.001-07:00

My God, you're SOOOOOOOOOOOO soul...

Q&A with Donavon Franken-douchebag:

2008-08-22T13:58:00.001-07:00

KS: Donavon, are you comfortable with terms like "freak-folk", "cockgobbler" or "straight poser"?

Donavon: Yes, actually I do feel comfortable with those terms: 'avant-folk' or 'New Weird America,' all that shit. But I'm so turned off by "poser" - that's why I took this picture of me surfing with a FUCKING ACOUSTIC GUITAR!! Cause, that's FUCKING AWESOME. I want to have SO little to do with stupid, tacky and horrible ideas - so "poser" means nothing to me.

KS: So, "poser" - who are your musical inspirations? Milli Vanilli? Neil Diamond? Folk Douche?

Donavon: "What gets me through a tour is listening to Jack Johnson jerk off (oooom) or Ben Harper finger bang my wife. That's what gets me through my life. That and tropicalismo...

KS: What the fuck is tropicalismo? What the fuck are you smoking, jackoff?

Donavon: Kelly man, it's cool - you should try some... Tropicalismo becomes this big part of my life and this big inspiration, so I started thinking about Naturalismo. That's what we do - naturalism. I started talking to Andy (Irons) from Kauai about this. 'What do you think about this? Naturalism is a good one, right?' If we give them some alternatives then maybe people will start taking this seriously. It's not going to happen with these humiliating, embarrassing, cheesy, tacky phrases like 'freak folk.'

KS: Fuckface, you never answered my question?

Donavon: Did you notice I surf, play guitar, have a moustache, drive a shitty gas-guzzling van (while ironically trying to play the earthy-thing) and generally look like a homeless person? I was walking down Santa Monica pier yesterday and someone gave me some change. I was like "WHOA" and then bought some crack with it. Wanna get high?

KS: No, you douchebag - I'm too busy winning WCT Titles, fucking hot girls and making tons of money. I never touch that hippie-druggie shit. Holmes, we gotta end this thing. I'm going to get a BJ from your wife.

Don't Hurt Yourself Donnie

2008-08-22T13:55:00.001-07:00

Oooooooooooooo........the stress!!!!
What note are you hittin' there?

PLEASE TELL US HOW YOU DO IT!!!

What a FAG!

2008-08-22T13:42:00.000-07:00

What the fuck are you smoking holmes???

DONAVON: D-BAG Style

2008-08-22T13:27:00.000-07:00

Donovan,

Your music could possibly be the lamest bunch of "hippie, wanna-be soul surfer but I sold that soul to all my sponsors" trash I've ever heard!

Not only does it suck more than Madonna on the corner of 81st and 3rd, but it's also the most ridiculously over-hyped garbage since retro 70's soul boards & stupid red hipster sunglasses.

Go back to whatever the hell rock you crawled out from under and I hope you come down to Trestles soon so Archy can pound those drugs out of your mustache-ridden head!

Actually, better yet - hop in at stupid hippie van of yours and drive down to the tip of Chile and stay there with that hyper-emo crap you call music! My God, you suck!

Unreal, I mean your music makes my boy Jack Johnson look like he’s got a set of beanbags by comparison. So hey, do us all a favor and take that guitar of yours and shove it up your cornhole.

My lord, you're THE wander of wankers.

Warmest wishes,
Kelly Slater
8 World Titles & counting…